ive been gone so long, but don't you worry, im coming on home

Before i begin for real, and im doing so i guess i am beginning for real, but whatever.  i ramble far too much when i post anyhow, but im not so sure this is read by anyone, and what i post is not intended to be read by anyone to tell the truth and so therefore, my rules win.  I always seem to be here writing either because i just haven't written in a while or because i am stressed or sad about something.  this makes me wonder if i am often a depressing individual, but i guess that when i am alive, i dont really run to the computer and fire up the internet and start typing.  that said, this is what makes me feel alive.

salsa, merengue, bachata, you name it i feel it deep down inside.
yoga.
hard, powerful, intense, effective revision of my work.
being absolutely terrified and looking that fear in the face and saying ha.
singing way too loud in the car.
tea parties.

ive got to work on this short story next.  and its gonna be a tough one.  first of all, it sucks.  second thing is that im a bit nervy because i know how much work this semester is and im afraid that doing work now is meaning that ill have no life later, that it will only get worse.  there is truth to this fear and yet, it is no reason that i should launch into neurotic rantings when i notice that a sentence is stupid.  i still have no idea what im doing in this major here, other than i feel completely honored to be able to be here.  Ive arrived at a party with a lot of people i love, don't know who invited me, but dont want to leave despite my minor embarassment at feeling like a party crasher.

First small group is tonight at kathleen's.  i was worried i would have too much work to do.  but i think there are three things i am gonna make time for this semester, maybe four.  small group, yoga, and shaking my butt in the city.  the fourth goes without much saying but it would be my friends especially christa.  that girl and i see way too little of each other and that is a problem. 

ok off to perform surgery.  just have to detach myself from it all and dive in without a hint of pride.  i can do it. we'll see.